First Memo - It's A Miracle I'm Still Alive

[cancercarcino]

Characters: Karkat Vantas [Sun Wukong] and YOU!
Campaign: Break
Format: I will match!
Open
Summary: A troll has descended into the Index. Shenanigans ensue.

A - Appreciate The Gesture, But I Need Privacy
[Truthfully, Karkat’s life can’t get much weirder than this. He’d gone through an Armageddon-type game with a small group of friends, created a cancerous universe, was chased and forced to hide out in the Furthest Ring, had to deal with the fallout of several of his friends going murder-crazy and other friends dying out due to said murder-craze, and now where is he?]

[In some alternate world full of humans and looking like something right out of a wiggler’s tale.]

[One glance at him reveals he’s not exactly human; not with the grey skin, gold eyes, sharp teeth and orange-yellow horns crowning the top of his head. He’s quite a sight to behold, muttering to himself and grumbling as he picks at the feudal-era clothing (which somehow still had his sign stitched into it, albeit subtly), pokes at the golden band around his brow, and, worst of all, glares angrily at the tail lashing behind him.]

[Sure, he agreed to come to this weird Dream-Bubble-like place (or was he just creating an alternate timeline version of himself? Aagh, it was confusing enough while playing Sgrub), but he sure as hell didn’t agree to suddenly be given traits to make him look like a goddamn human primape.]

[If he passes by someone and their gaze lingers too long, he glares at them, fangs flashing.]

What the bulge-gargling fuck are you looking at, nookstain?

[Quite the pleasant greeting.]

B - So, Could You Please Pay No Attention To The Fuck Behind The Curtain?
[Once he discovers the journal’s note system, it doesn’t take long for Karkat to take to it like a memo on Trollium. Anyone who happens to read their journal will, unfortunately, be subjected to a torrent of angry scribblings.]

FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD LIKE IT TO BE KNOWN THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH MAGICAL FUCKING FAIRY DUST MIGHT BE CRAMMED INTO THIS STUPID BOOK, THE FACT THAT THIS PLANET STILL RELIES ON SUCH AN ARCHAIC FORM OF COMMUNICATION IS LAUGHABLE BEYOND COMPARISON.
I MEAN, I GET THAT THIS PLANET IS SUPPOSED TO BE SOME SORT OF BASTARDIZATION OF WIGGLER TALES AND GOOD FEELINGS AND ALL THAT SPONGE-NUMBING BULLSHIT, BUT FORCING US TO USE NOTEBOOKS OF ALL THINGS TO TALK IS THE DUMBEST THING EVER.
DOES ANYONE EVEN HANDWRITE ANYTHING ANYMORE?? LIKE SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF HANDWRITING ANYTHING WHEN YOU CAN JUST USE SOMETHING ELECTRONIC LIKE THE REST OF US IN SOCIETY??
FOR ALL THE STUPIDITY AND SHORTCOMINGS OF YOUR SPECIES, I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT HUMANS WERE STILL SMART ENOUGH TO INVENT COMPUTERS ON WHATEVER PLANET THEY DECIDED TO INHABIT.
BUT BEFORE I GET TOO FAR INTO THE ASININE BULLSHIT THAT IS THIS NOTEBOOK, I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO GET IN CHARGE WITH THE DUNKASS RESPONSIBLE FOR BRINGING US ALL HERE.
LOOK, THIS ISN’T MY FIRST WALTZ DOWN THE WHOLE SAVING/RECREATING UNIVERSES BOULEVARD, BUT LAST TIME I CHECKED I DIDN’T AGREE TO BEING GIVEN A BUNCH OF STUPID UGLY EARTH MONKEY HAIR AND A STUPID-LOOKING TAIL.
SERIOUSLY, IF THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE SOME KIND OF JOKE THEN HA HA, YOU GOT YOUR OBLIGATORY EARTHEN CHUCKLE LIKE YOU WANTED.
NOW TELL ME HOW TO TAKE THIS GODDAMN THING OFF OF MY ASS BEFORE I CUT IT OFF MYSELF!!

C - For Now I'm Trying Out My Battle Cry.
[Once Karkat settles down and actually accepts his role as an Aspect (and all the side-effects that come with it), he has taken some time to read through his Essence's story and, later, takes to the woods to practice his Essence powers. He knows he can transform things, but since he never even transitioned between his waking self and his Dream Self in his session, he's having a hard grasp of it.]

[There's a chance you may catch him practicing on his own, growling and cursing and ranting to himself out in the woods. However, there's also a chance you may stumble across him once he actually does manage to transform into something; when he does, it's a large, white, bipedal, crab-like monster he's taken the form of. If you catch him in this form... he may need some time to change back. Hopefully you're not too frightened by the giant white monster in the woods!]

D - Wildcard
[[OoC: If you've got something specific you'd like to do with Karkat, just PM me or hit me up on Plurk (pocketnoivern)!]]

Comments

A

[bloodinbloom]

Huh?

[It hadn't been Rosalia herself that had been staring, but the snakes. Multiple snakes that make up her hair, but it wasn't all of them watching - just about five. Rosalia herself turns her head and blinks, pointing at herself.]

Me? ... What's a nookstain?

[cancercarcino]

[Give him a minute to stare, because what the heck is he talking to right now?]

[But when she asks her question, he blinks, giving her an incredulous look.]

Seriously? Did you seriously just ask me that? Is that not obvious??

[bloodinbloom]

... No?

[She tilts her head.]

Hmm... I guess it kinda sounds like a messy pantry. And maybe something got moldy inside... ew, and then you have to clean it out but it left behind this smell that won't go away no matter how many times you scrub.

[Dad did that once... those would've been good apples...]

[cancercarcino]

[Karkat just... has to stare. Because... what? Just. What.]

...I have no idea what half of that even means, but for the sake of not wanting to be within several leagues of this conversation, yes. Sure. That can be what a nookstain is.

[bloodinbloom]

[Her tail wags a bit.]

Okay! [She's not going to think too hard about it.] I'm sorry about my snakes; they kind of watch everyone to protect me. Are you new to the Index?

[cancercarcino]

That's... a little creepy. Aren't you weirded out by them?

[He sure would be, if his hair were snakes.]

Obviously. Does it look like I have a clue what the fuck is even going on here?

[bloodinbloom]

Why would I? It's like I always have someone with me... or, someones hehe.

[And she will accept a few snake nuzzles at that while giving them pets on the head.]

Mmm, I'm not sure. If you want, I can show you to the Library; that's always a good place to start. You can read the story your essence is from.

B

[detectiveforhierophant]

[...]

That must have taken a lot of effort to write all that in all caps.

[cancercarcino]

OH BOY, WHAT A WITTY AND CREATIVE ANSWER.
I MEAN, NOTHING WITTY TO SAY, SO YOU CALL OUT MY TYPING QUIRK?
IT MUST HAVE EXHAUSTED EVERY SINGLE OUNCE OF SLUDGE IN YOUR SPONGE TO HAVE COME UP WITH THAT KIND OF RESPONSE!
IT'S A SHAME I DON'T HAVE ANY SORT OF BAN FUNCTION ON THIS THING BECAUSE I'D BAN YOU FROM THE SHEER ANNOYANCE FACTOR ALONE.
ANOTHER REASON THIS NOTEBOOK IS SUCH AN ASS-BACKWARDS CONCEPT.

[detectiveforhierophant]

You mean 'writing' Quirk?

[Dojima, don't poke the annoyed... whatever. Pretty sure this individual wasn't human, by they way they were going on about how humans were backwards and awful.

...It was disconcerting now how that idea wasn't as disturbing as it used to be.]

Unfortunately, this is what we have for now. Unless you'd like to talk to the more scientific minded of us to try and get a computer running. Shizuo can generate electricity, after all...

[cancercarcino]

SHUT THE FUCK UP, WILL YOU?
WRITING, TYPING, WHO GIVES A FLYING LEFT SHAME GLOBE??
IF I WANTED TO TALK TO SOMEONE PEDANTIC ABOUT TEXT I'D GO BLUDGEON MYSELF TO DEATH WITH A DICTIONARY.

UGH, IT'S JUST STUPID.
EVEN IF WE COULD HYPOTHETICALLY GET ALL THE HARDWARE NEEDED AND EVEN IF HYPOTHETICALLY I AM ABLE TO PROGRAM SOMETHING EVEN HALF-DECENT WITHOUT HAVING TO CHEAT BY USING AN ALCHEMITER.
AND THAT IS A BIG FUCKING *IF* RIGHT THERE BECAUSE EVEN IF I'M PROBABLY THE BEST PROGRAMMER HERE I'M TROLL ENOUGH TO ADMIT THAT PROGRAMMING AN ENTIRE NETWORK IN SOMETHING OTHER THAN ~ATH IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE IMPOSSIBLE.
BUT EVEN IF THE STARS ALIGN AND THE COSMOS TWIST IN A WAY THAT SOMEHOW MAKES THE UNIVERSE DEIGN TO MAKE THINGS GO OUR WAY, THERE'S STILL A LOT OF SHIT WE'D NEED.
I MEAN, I DOUBT THIS SHITTY PLANET EVEN HAS THE RIGHT GRUBS FOR THE MAINFRAME.

[What.]

[detectiveforhierophant]

I have to give you some credit, your insults are a lot more creative than most people I know.

[Kanji's GET BENT is a classic, but nothing compared to this, after all.]

Grubs?

[What.]

You know about humans, but what exactly are you, species wise?

[cancercarcino]

IT'S ONLY BECAUSE DEALING WITH SPONGE-DEAD IDIOTS ON A REGULAR BASIS MAKES ME SO INFURIATED THAT A SIMPLE "FUCK YOU" WON'T SUFFICE.
I HAVE TO LET PEOPLE KNOW PRECISELY HOW FUCKING INFURIATING AND EXASPERATING IT IS TRYING TO REASON WITH MORONS, AND SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO GET CREATIVE TO DO THAT.

YES, GRUBS. YOU KNOW, TO MAKE A HUSKTOP?
I KNOW YOU HUMANS DON'T USE GRUBS IN YOUR TECHNOLOGY, WHICH DOESN'T MAKE ANY GODDAMN SENSE BECAUSE HOW ELSE ARE THE SYNAPSES EVEN SUPPOSED TO WORK PROPERLY WITHOUT A LIVING GENERATOR, BUT I MEAN, THIS IS A MOOT POINT ANYWAYS BECAUSE WE'RE STUCK IN GRUBFUCK WIGGLER TALE LAND!

I'M A TROLL, IF IT WASN'T CLEAR TO YOU BEFORE.

A | Sorry not sorry

[gobetween]

[Gobo was definitely someone who was staring. Of all the things and people he'd ssen so far, Karkat definitely stuck out as something unusual.

When he was spotted though, he held his hands up.]

Oh, sorry I- I'm still getting used to everything up here.

[Including the people.]

lmfao I'm so sorry Gobo

[cancercarcino]

Well then stop staring, shit-for-sponge! Or did your new magic fairy powers make your glance nuggets defective??

[He's probably overreacting, but he is just not in a good mood. His tail curls and thrashes, displaying his anger.]

C

[rokubro]

[So. Karkat may regret choosing the woods as a testing place, even if it's the logical place. Because a certain Huntsman is out and about, and he notices a sudden disturbance where he is. When he actually gets there and sees what's there?]

....What the—??

[HE'S SEEN A LOT OF DIFFERENT THINGS IN HIS LIFE BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT. In any case, this thing looks dangerous so. Immediately drawing his swords.]

[cancercarcino]

[In his defense, where else was he supposed to practice his transformations? He hadn't expected anyone else to be out here, and he was just in the process of figuring out how to change back when he heard the yell.]

[He turned around, and... oh shit did that guy have a sword??]

SKREEE!!

[Oh shit, he can't speak in this form can he? Fuck.]

[rokubro]

[Well. That wasn't very convincing to let him off easy. If his form wasn't so...monstrous looking he might have reconsidered. But after all the various Erasers and monsters he's faced both in this world and back home, this definitely fits the bill.]

Don't worry, I'll make this quick and painless.

[His bloodlust immediately skyrocketing and his killing intent seeping out to the point where his daemon eye begins to glow, he gives a dangerous smirk before he runs at him.]

[cancercarcino]

SKRAAAWW!

[HOLY SHIT that is an adult with a long sword aiming at him. Karkat flails one of his massive pincers at him, trying to bat him away while simultaneously trying to figure out how to reverse this transformation thing. He does not want to be killed his first week here!!]

[rokubro]

[When Rokurou realizes his error, he'll apologize.

For now, he'll continue the attack, moving in fast as he avoids and parries the flailing pincers, waiting for an opportunity to duck in and try and get a hit in.]

[cancercarcino]

[Nope, nope, this is really not helping. Karkat flails one of those big pincers at Rokurou, then turns tail and flees as fast as his lusus legs can carry him.]

[He needs to transform back, but the panic at being attacked is not helping.]

A

[rhododendronhoney]

[Cori was just curious, but when Karkat ends up glaring at her she glares right back.]

You're new here, aren't you? I was just thinking I hadn't seen anyone like you around before. No need to get so damn worked up about it.

[cancercarcino]

Does it look like I've been here long?? Are the synapses between your glance nuggets and your think pan damaged?? Of course I'm new here! And I'll get as worked up as I damn well please, because I'm so utterly infuriated with that giant bulgelick who brought us here.

[rhododendronhoney]

You accepted the offer yourself, didn't you? All of us here did! I had the chance to turn it down, but I accepted because this is fucking important!

[cancercarcino]

Yeah, I did, but I didn't think accepting the offer would make me look like a half-mammal!!

[His new tail thrashes behind him.]

Seriously, how do you humans stand this?? It's embarrassing, having all this fur!