realmofstories | First Memo - It's A Miracle I'm Still Alive

Characters: Karkat Vantas [Sun Wukong] and YOU!
Campaign: Break
Format: I will match!
Open
Summary: A troll has descended into the Index. Shenanigans ensue.

A - Appreciate The Gesture, But I Need Privacy
[Truthfully, Karkat’s life can’t get much weirder than this. He’d gone through an Armageddon-type game with a small group of friends, created a cancerous universe, was chased and forced to hide out in the Furthest Ring, had to deal with the fallout of several of his friends going murder-crazy and other friends dying out due to said murder-craze, and now where is he?]

[In some alternate world full of humans and looking like something right out of a wiggler’s tale.]

[One glance at him reveals he’s not exactly human; not with the grey skin, gold eyes, sharp teeth and orange-yellow horns crowning the top of his head. He’s quite a sight to behold, muttering to himself and grumbling as he picks at the feudal-era clothing (which somehow still had his sign stitched into it, albeit subtly), pokes at the golden band around his brow, and, worst of all, glares angrily at the tail lashing behind him.]

[Sure, he agreed to come to this weird Dream-Bubble-like place (or was he just creating an alternate timeline version of himself? Aagh, it was confusing enough while playing Sgrub), but he sure as hell didn’t agree to suddenly be given traits to make him look like a goddamn human primape.]

[If he passes by someone and their gaze lingers too long, he glares at them, fangs flashing.]

What the bulge-gargling fuck are you looking at, nookstain?

[Quite the pleasant greeting.]

B - So, Could You Please Pay No Attention To The Fuck Behind The Curtain?
[Once he discovers the journal’s note system, it doesn’t take long for Karkat to take to it like a memo on Trollium. Anyone who happens to read their journal will, unfortunately, be subjected to a torrent of angry scribblings.]

FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD LIKE IT TO BE KNOWN THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH MAGICAL FUCKING FAIRY DUST MIGHT BE CRAMMED INTO THIS STUPID BOOK, THE FACT THAT THIS PLANET STILL RELIES ON SUCH AN ARCHAIC FORM OF COMMUNICATION IS LAUGHABLE BEYOND COMPARISON.
I MEAN, I GET THAT THIS PLANET IS SUPPOSED TO BE SOME SORT OF BASTARDIZATION OF WIGGLER TALES AND GOOD FEELINGS AND ALL THAT SPONGE-NUMBING BULLSHIT, BUT FORCING US TO USE NOTEBOOKS OF ALL THINGS TO TALK IS THE DUMBEST THING EVER.
DOES ANYONE EVEN HANDWRITE ANYTHING ANYMORE?? LIKE SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF HANDWRITING ANYTHING WHEN YOU CAN JUST USE SOMETHING ELECTRONIC LIKE THE REST OF US IN SOCIETY??
FOR ALL THE STUPIDITY AND SHORTCOMINGS OF YOUR SPECIES, I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT HUMANS WERE STILL SMART ENOUGH TO INVENT COMPUTERS ON WHATEVER PLANET THEY DECIDED TO INHABIT.
BUT BEFORE I GET TOO FAR INTO THE ASININE BULLSHIT THAT IS THIS NOTEBOOK, I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO GET IN CHARGE WITH THE DUNKASS RESPONSIBLE FOR BRINGING US ALL HERE.
LOOK, THIS ISN’T MY FIRST WALTZ DOWN THE WHOLE SAVING/RECREATING UNIVERSES BOULEVARD, BUT LAST TIME I CHECKED I DIDN’T AGREE TO BEING GIVEN A BUNCH OF STUPID UGLY EARTH MONKEY HAIR AND A STUPID-LOOKING TAIL.
SERIOUSLY, IF THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE SOME KIND OF JOKE THEN HA HA, YOU GOT YOUR OBLIGATORY EARTHEN CHUCKLE LIKE YOU WANTED.
NOW TELL ME HOW TO TAKE THIS GODDAMN THING OFF OF MY ASS BEFORE I CUT IT OFF MYSELF!!

C - For Now I'm Trying Out My Battle Cry.
[Once Karkat settles down and actually accepts his role as an Aspect (and all the side-effects that come with it), he has taken some time to read through his Essence's story and, later, takes to the woods to practice his Essence powers. He knows he can transform things, but since he never even transitioned between his waking self and his Dream Self in his session, he's having a hard grasp of it.]

[There's a chance you may catch him practicing on his own, growling and cursing and ranting to himself out in the woods. However, there's also a chance you may stumble across him once he actually does manage to transform into something; when he does, it's a large, white, bipedal, crab-like monster he's taken the form of. If you catch him in this form... he may need some time to change back. Hopefully you're not too frightened by the giant white monster in the woods!]

D - Wildcard
[[OoC: If you've got something specific you'd like to do with Karkat, just PM me or hit me up on Plurk (

pocketnoivern)!]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Of course it was me! If you had used your damn glance nuggets properly, you'd have noticed I was practicing how to use this stupid transformation magic! Out in the woods, away from people, so that I didn't have to worry about dunkasses like yourself coming around trying to perforate my carapace!

[That is a mouth that Eizen's pirate crew would be proud of. Maybe.

In any case, he just gives a carefree laugh and holds a hand up in placating surrender.]

Sorry, I only saw the giant white monster part, not the transformation. There are a lot of different creatures out here, so it's hard to tell if it's a local or someone else.

Would it be any consolation to say that you appeared threatening enough to make me go on the attack first?

[Karkat huffs and crosses his arms, clearly pissed off. But part of Rokurou's comments does get to him. It must say something about his new powers if his transformation was that convincing.]

Yeah, well, maybe next time try not skewering the giant white monster? I thought you humans weren't so keen on the whole murder thing??

[Then again, the humans he did know WERE pretty good at slaying monsters. And Jade's hive had been full of fauna trophies, so perhaps his point was pretty moot.]

[That just gets him to grin.]

Some are, but it wouldn't matter to me. I'm a daemon, and one that likes to fight. So you were already of out of luck with that.

What the flying shitballs is a daemon?

In my world it's what humans become when their negative emotions and thoughts corrupt them through malevolence. But you can think of it like a monster or whatever, pretty much the same in the eyes of a human. [SHRUG.]

That doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Who ever heard of a monster made of emotions? That's the kind of bullshit thinking that even pan-fried wigglers don't even come up with.

Right? No one knew how people turned into daemons before, we all thought it was some weird disease.

But I'm not surprised you find it hard to believe—most people I've talked to don't have anything like that in their worlds. Yours is probably the same.

Well obviously not. The only think that even remotely sounds similar to what I know would probably be Jade's devilbeast of a lusus, but I doubt you're the same as that thing. Unless you somehow have the ability to manipulate space and reality to your fucking whim.

Nope, but that would be pretty cool.

No, it would not! It would be asinine and stupid and would probably fuck up this and every other timeline! Don't even joke about that!

You sound like you've had personal experience with this.

You're damn right I do. Personal and very uncomfortable experience.

[He's still frowning, but the way he glances off and hunches his shoulders, it's a very unpleasant memory for him.]

[Seeing that he raises his hand in a placating manner.]

Got it, I won't ask anything else.

So putting all that aside... You know what I am, but what are you?

[Karkat is grateful for the change in topic, even if his expression only goes from uncomfortable to exasperated.]

I'm a troll, obviously. Or not, given the fact that I doubt any troll has ever even farted in the general direction of this planet. If you mean that weird magic power bullshit, I'm some primate thing called Sun Wukong.

...Yeah, trolls don't look like you in my world. Definitely a lot uglier, bigger, and stupider to deal with.

Haven't heard of "Sun Wukong," either, but if it let you turn into something like that, it must be an interesting Essence.

Yeah, that's what it seems like. Where the hell do you even get your depiction of trolls, anyway? The fact that some giant pan-fried lump of shit gets to be called a 'troll' is frankly insulting.

Yeah. It's... weird. Even with the so-called superpowers we were supposed to get in our session, none of us got the ability to transform or gain tails or anything like that. Wings I could see, at least it makes sense for us to pupate and gain wings like a proper carapace-based lifeform, but tails? What am I, a mammal??

Not my fault that's how they actually look and call themselves. [...He thinks. Honestly he's not sure where the label for those types of daemons came from, but that's what they're known as.

Anyway, just going to glance at the tail Karkat is now sporting.]

Hmm...looks like a monkey's tail, so looks like it.

[Definitely a tongue-in-cheek answer.]

Have you read up on your guy?

[Upon being spoken about, Karkat's tail flicks in annoyance. He scowls.]

Yeah, a little bit. He sounded like a bit of a douche. But he seemed pretty strong, so I guess that comes with the territory.

Good thing we don't take their personalities, huh? [Grins.]

But strong you say...maybe should try a proper duel sometime.

[If Karkat couldn't tell this guy liked fighting before—probably does now.]

Ugh, you're telling me. The last thing I'd want to do is inherit that dunkass's personality and end up like some pompous seadweller douche.

What?? No! I don't want to fight right now, I literally just got here! Sweet mother grub's vestigial third oral sphincter, can you try not violently attacking any little thing with a pulse that's within frond's reach?!

[He just laughs.]

Told you, I'm a war daemon. Wanting to fight everything is what I do.

But all right, I'll spare you—for now. [Smirk.]

First Memo - It's A Miracle I'm Still Alive

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